Segala Brunei→banar banar semua ada bah!⤴︎

Often, a five-word sentence pops into my thoughts, but it doesn’t come at random moments. It drifts in during the serene mornings when I’m watering the garden, admiring the blooming orchids and bougainvilleas. It also surfaces during dinner preparations as I wash the rice with a fistful of salt. “It adds to the taste,” she says. It comes during uncle duties when I’m babysitting, on days when the kids are overstimulated and I am exasperated. The cadence and pitch of my voice during the first scold can be startling, even to me. “I am becoming my mother.” Most of us would recoil at the thought, but is it such a bad thing? **A RECIPE FOR UNDERSTANDING** Last weekend, the whole world celebrated mothers from every corner of the globe, and Brunei was no different. But the relationship between a mother and child is not always simple. For most, it’s nuanced. Amidst the unconditional love, there may be appreciation mixed with apprehension and respect accompanied by a touch of fear. This seemed to be reality for 34-year-old Zareena Rajid who admitted to not always seeing eye-to-eye with her mother, despite noticing echoes of herself within her parent. “Growing up, there was always a delicious meal on the table, a testament to her care, ensuring my siblings and I were never wanting.” ![](https://media.everythingbrunei.com/public/S8OvJut50J-6AWy3Brhb2-K5vhPOiFl0wVEfiMrc7k6.jpeg) PHOTO: FREEPIK ![](https://media.everythingbrunei.com/public/UyH1M-zNcw5hpTRc_SlBf-T3fsZjl7C2k5d2My7uBQv.jpeg) A mother and her child attend a prayer in celebration of the Aidilfitri in Quezon City, the Philippines. PHOTO: XINHUA ![](https://media.everythingbrunei.com/public/F_jRyWi_-5qvj4xlQz-_T-SZm4-dvwaqWOipDIE3gRo.jpeg) PHOTO: FREEPIK According to Zareena, food is her mother’s love language, a trait they both shared. “Even with our busy lives, I still made it a point to take her out for restaurant hopping,” added the teacher, acknowledging that as a woman in her mid-30s, the complexities of navigating adulthood had deepened her understanding of her mother. “I feel safe confiding in her, valuing her wise counsel, and these heartfelt exchanges invariably happened over a shared meal.” **A PILLAR OF SUPPORT** A mother’s virtue often lies in how she supports and encourages her children, balancing the delicate act of allowing them to discover their passions while ensuring they stay on the right path to success. Though not all children are created equal, all mothers should love equally. “She had always had high hopes for me, teaching me to dream of studying all the way to a PhD,” shared 33-year-old Fitri. “At the same time, she never pressured me into studying. She never showed disappointment when I didn’t score well in a test.” Fitri recalled how her mother consistently prioritised her interests over certain expectations. From opting out of the science stream during her early years of education to choosing teaching over a career as a doctor, her mother remained steadfast in her support. There was always an unspoken trust that she could choose her own future, a rarity in many Southeast Asian households. “My mother is the reason that I am able to live my life the way I do, relaxed and unpressured. She’s taught me to take things as they come, to go with the flow. “She’s taught me that being kind is always more important than being successful. And now, here I am, chilling and loving life. Thanks to my mother.” **LESSONS IN MOTHERHOOD** Motherhood is an experience as vast and legion as it is universally different. While there may be a checklist out there, influenced by geography and culture, that defines what motherhood and being a good mother entail, the role itself is ever-changing and shifts depending on the need. Despite the expectation of being a one-role-fits-all superwoman, motherhood comes with its challenges and bittersweet life lessons. Iffah acknowledged having her own expectations of motherhood, recognising that part of her journey involved understanding the reality that, as a parent and mother, you can only do so much. “I felt a sense of control over shaping my child’s behaviour. However, after becoming a mum, I realised the reality was quite the opposite.” For the 29-year-old, motherhood is as much about learning from her children as it is about teaching them. “Now I am the one who needs to control my behaviour in daily life. When I am feeling down, she comes to hug me and tells me ‘it’s okay’. She has taught me to be patient and kind when things get overwhelming.” Echoing the same sentiment, 31-year-old Anisah Ja’afar reflected on how motherhood is a profound teacher, offering lessons in patience and grace under pressure. “Whether it’s taking deep breaths, practicing mindfulness, or seeking support from loved ones, cultivating patience has been a continuous learning process.” Similar to Iffah, Anisah also cherished the empathy that motherhood nurtures, towards children and their unique personalities. “Each child has their own quirks, strengths, and challenges, and embracing these differences while loving them unconditionally has been enriching.” Ultimately, motherhood has given Anisah a sense of purpose that exceeds what a career or other aspects of life can offer. “Being a mother holds a deeper significance, not only for the well-being of my children but also for my own fulfilment and growth.” Meanwhile, for Hafsa Ellemdeen, the essence of motherhood lies in the profound lessons that life teaches while raising her three children, the eldest of whom is 21. The South African, currently residing in the Sultanate as a teacher, shared how the journey of motherhood is inevitably shaped by mistakes, whether her own or her children’s. However, a mother’s unconditional love should be a guiding light through any challenge. “No matter how much your children make mistakes or do things that disappoint or hurt you, your sense of forgiveness should always be bigger than the mistakes made.” The 43-year-old went on to highlight the wisdom that accompanies motherhood, a wisdom born from enduring countless trials and errors and embracing the humility that comes with the uncertainties of parenthood. Regardless of the outcome, however, motherhood remains a journey worth striving for, she\ continued. “At times, my faults as a parent are brought to my attention, prompting moments of self-reflection and the acceptance of criticism with grace. “This role did not come with a manual, and not all advice will be applicable to your situation. It is not a one-size-fits-all experience, but it is undeniably the most rewarding and fulfilling journey you will ever undertake.” – Wardi Wasil

Segala Brunei→banar banar semua ada bah!⤴︎

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