Just save your money and time and just nikah at the masjid. You can use the money for something better for starting up your family.

Just want to elaborate more on this.

Tunang = Waste of time and money. You get a ring but it will only be used it for a short time. Maybe you might use it some times but usually its just going to be in a drawer. Skip this and get on with your original intent.

Mas Kahwin = Talk to your spouse-to-be. Start communicating now or you will have issues. Most family want a extravagant ceremony just for the fun of it. I know a lot of people who took up loans and still paying for it. Thats for rings, dresses, venues, caterings, etc. You're mostly paying for renting things. Discuss on your and both of your budget.

Berian = Get some things that you both like.

The other stuff, is just optional but just talk with each other and list out which are necessary and which are not. If for instance, you think having a ceremony is necessary (which most people will say that its so the family and relatives knows you), there are other occasion where you can introduce yourself to them.

The important thing is, just do the Islamic way. The other stuff are just noise and headaches.

I’ve also been curious recently about Malay/Islam marriages coz I’ve never heard anyone who doesn’t hold a wedding ceremony be it small or large. Engagement might be optional but what about wedding? Is it compulsory in Malay/Islam culture?

My ideal wedding is no wedding ceremony taking place but to only have ROM coz I prefer to keep things low profile and I find it an unnecessary expense. Also, it’s a special occasion for me and my partner so I don’t feel the need to celebrate it with anyone else.

Some people say “but it’s a once in a lifetime event!” but that’s just not for me

Bertunang: i actually did get engaged with my fiance reason being, we’ve already been in a long relationship, so as a nice way to introduce to both families, we decided to get engaged. In all honesty, i would have just saved my money and just get married. But we knew we didnt have the budget yet, so kami betunang saja dulu, and sambil2 atu kumpul duit

1. Its not a must, it depends on the family and the couple itself. Klau the dates between betunang and kawin dakat saja, its better to just get married tarus. Can save the money for wedding expenses.
2. In my case, there were two types on ring. Tanda tunang (its basically cincin merisik), and pembuka mulut. In which the male partner purchase for the female partner.

Pernikahan and perkahwinan

The berian depends on what the bride family asks for. Different family, different requests. And you mentioned all the must haves. Except for mahar (mahar is the expenses you spend for the wife after getting married, usually given monthly)

Regarding salam and mengambil berkat. Nowadays the couple just bersalaman with the parents and the close family (siblings, nini etc) but not with the whole guest. I think due to covid, macam nada org buat lagi.

Just pm me if you have any more questions, or regarding wedding venues. I have a discount package incase youre interested hihi

I need the answer for this, whats the process from beginning til sanding without including engagement / berbedak? Do I need to merisik and telling SO parents that we will be skipping tunang / berbedak and straight to nikah + sanding in one go? How many cincin that we need to prepare for bride? Pls help really need your insight on this. TIA

You’re not ignorant OP, deep down you just know that some of those adats are unnecessary 😆

I myself did tunang at the insistence of le parents (shrugs). Then nikah and sanding on the same day. That’s it

I had a small tunang ceremony with just my nuclear family and my in-laws. Then did nikah and sanding. That’s it.

Sorry, ikut betanya jua.

Hantaran or Belanja Hangus or Berian atu how is it supposed to be used? Is it to be given to the bride’s parents/family? Or use for bride side’s catering? Or use masa nikah?

mun kan kawin ani bisai tah ikut sukatan sendiri. mun sanggup dan mampu untuk a laavish ceremony , why not! kalau inda bersederhana saja. jangan pasal orang mampu kawin mewah, di ucapkan tah kan show off 🤣🤣🤣 biar tia. masing-masing dengan cara nya.

yang betanya di reddit ani OP pun rasa nya salah tampat. bisainya berunding tah sama keluarga. padahkan tia apa yang mampu di buat sama inda, dapat jua dipikirkan bersama..

Hi!

Bertunang: not necessarily must have event. Sometimes people plan this in case your acara kawin atu jauh. So kira, cincin tunang tunjukkan you atu already kena booksis. In terms of acara itself, can be intimate saja with dua belah keluarga.

Nikah: Berian is up to you. Ada yang nada hantaran berian langsung. Pasal bukan dalam islam. But if you want, it’s up to perbincangan keluarga. Discuss with your partner what you/they want as well as Tanda kasih.

One thing to note: kalau Quran is part of your berian, mesti ada khatam quran tu. That’s what I was told lah. Can ask others as well yang tau about this.

Jongsarat pun up to you. Takut inda bepakai. A friend of mine chose black for hers untuk pakainya to future istana events.

Seating: nowadays memang banyak split bride and groom’s side. So you’re good.

Bersalaman: if mau, then stick with parents only. If mau extend, then follow ladies salam ladies, men salam men.

Managing event: sometimes having wedding planning/management company helps. If not, can have relatives be a floor manager to make sure event runs smoothly. Durang tah yang communicate with the emcee, hotel staff, bagi cue for masuk, music, doa etc. but durang mesti tau the programme and timing.

Dear Sir,

ikut kemampuan, depends on that girll jua and the family, simple insha Allah dapat berkah.. i dont have any engagement ceremony cause for me its membazir, i only have nikah tarus sanding, w/o any hantar ( accept for mas kawin ( gold bar 20g) and gold ring and thats it, belanja kami less 12k and with no hutang. and now we live without any loan, alhamdulilah. less is more. alhamdulilah life is good, travel 3 kali setahun, first honeymoon is haji, then after that umrah,now travelling to europe country, u need more money after kawin trust me